drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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