He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
