im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
