Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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