Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
