she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
