It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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