you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
