dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
