HIV tests are more positive than that guy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
