Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize