we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
