I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
