btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I stole a fireplace last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
