you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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