My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
