so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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