did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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