Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
