have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
