I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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