dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
