So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
