She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
