i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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