i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
