He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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