every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
