Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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