so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
