she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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