I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
