Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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