Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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