Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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