i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
