I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
