In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
