im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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