Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
