I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dont even know how to be here
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize