If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
