Christians are straight up FREAKS
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
