i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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