Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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