He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize