i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize