I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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