I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
