Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
