help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
