every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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