sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
