update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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