I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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