you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
