The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
