booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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