You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
