Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
