Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize