This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
