My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
