Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
