So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
