her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
