I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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