walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
