It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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