What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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